Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
