on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
