AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
