I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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