how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
two words...techno handjob
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
