You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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