I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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