i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
