People in love make me want to vomit
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Enjoy the penises
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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