I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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