I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
