He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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