Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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