He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
