sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
