Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
