if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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