I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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