I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
