I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
