I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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