I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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