Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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