I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
