dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
