She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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