He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
