Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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