i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
