Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
