I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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