You're completely useless in the revolution.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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