Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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