im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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