someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
