I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
