Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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