Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
