god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
