How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
