Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
