Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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