video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
