I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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