Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
