i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
