thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
