I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
