is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
