last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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