You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
