just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
