the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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