I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
