and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
