tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
