Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
