...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
