So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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