Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
