dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
