i permit you to call me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
