just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
